I'll have a "Foot in Mouth" to go, please....

I feel like I've just crawled out of a hole that I was stuck in for a week. Between schoolwork, emotional issues, and daily responsibilities, I didn't think I'd ever get out! Thankfully, I am able to breathe and just relax for a moment for the first time since summer semester began.

A quick recap on what the kids have been up to: Ashley went to PC with some friends and will be back later this afternoon, Brad and Blake went to Key West with Tommy for a trip that turned out to be totally wasted (and a bit costly), Brad is now up in Atlanta with his friend Chase until Saturday, Blake is going up to Atlanta with me tomorrow (I have a baby shower to attend on Saturday) and will get to play with one of his best friends who he hasn't seen since we moved down here, and Brooklyn has been enjoying her Little Tikes playhouse she got last week. Other than that, they're all just as sweet and rotten as usual!! :)

Now, to on to me. I had a new low last week, last Tuesday to be exact. I had just left school, was heading home to a) take Ashley to her friend Taylor so they could go out to eat for Tay's bday, and b) head back home to finish a module test and then study for the test in class on Weds. There was a parent meeting for cheerleading to discuss fundraising but I was planning skipping that. I get a call from one of the moms asking me to come to the meeting so I could talk about the golf tournament (a fundraiser I was heading that would, in one day, raise the $5000 we needed for the new uniforms). I head over there, using time I just didn't have to spare, to talk about the tournament. After an hour and a half, I'm totally aggravated because it's seeming more and more like a big pain in the behind due to a couple of the moms. Every time I turn around, there's an opposition to something and I know it's because they didn't come up with the idea (I know, lame; who cares who came up with it so long as it gets the girls their uniforms and we don't pay out of pocket!!). I leave just ready to explode in tears because I was so annoyed.

I headed to Tokyo's to eat, the same restaurant Ashley was at with Taylor, her friends, and her mom. I couldn't sit with them and eat because we were too late; no biggie. But I went over to talk with Tammy about the meeting (she didn't go, obviously, since she had to be there with the girls) and blurted out that I just wanted to punch [insert mother's name here] in the face. I said it really could have been anyone and I'd have wanted to punch them, too - I think Tammy was feeling like she was glad she hadn't gone, lol. I continue to go on about my aggravation with this one mother, look to my left, and there is her daughter. I just burst into tears and go sit down. I mean, what was I supposed to now do? Omg, it was horrible.

When we were leaving, I pulled Mysti aside and told her I was sorry she'd heard me say that and that it wasn't anything personal against her mother and that it could've been anyone's mom and I'd have felt like that because I was feeling targeted at the meeting. She said she understood, hugged me, and I left. To say I felt an inch tall that night is an understatement.

I realized my limitations that night. I realized that I put too much on myself, I allow too much to be put on me, and I don't allow others to help or share in the responsibilities. That night was the result of my limits being exceeded. But as horrible as it was to go through (and I'm sure there will be residuals to come), I'm glad I went through it.

So while I was praying to God at Tokyo's saying,

"God, why on earth did you let me say that knowing Mysti was right there! Couldn't You have given me a sign to look left??",

I am now praying,

"Thank you, God, for opening my eyes to what You've been telling me all along while I was too busy to stop and listen. Thank you for using an example that left no questions whatsoever as to what You were saying to me and that You love me enough to keep telling me over and over, even when You have to get tough for me to hear."